The Decision to Trust by Robert F. Hurley

I finished this book in April 2026. I recommend this book 9/10.

Why you should read this book:

This book will provide you with great tools and principles for starting to build trust across your team and organization. It provides great visibility into what the factors are that create trust.

Get your copy here.

🚀 The book in three sentences

1. Contains tools to start building trust

2. Find the balance between items on the DTM meter

3. Great leaders slow down. They listen well, and they show they care.

📝 My notes and thoughts

• P50. Our sense of confidence, power, and influence is a function of our own view of ourselves, but also of the environment around us. When we feel powerless, it is harder to trust because we feel less able to correct or recover from betrayal. Trustees have some ability to directly influence others' disposition to trust by improving risk tolerance, helping build confidence, helping others be less self-critical, and, finally, increasing their power and influence over events. That said, it is important to recognize that often the best approach to increasing trust is to change some of the situational and relationship factors in the DTM.

• P58. Robert Greene's law: "Lord defend me from my friends; from my enemies I can defend myself."

• P68. A professor at a university in California who had published some notable work found himself in high demand for his teaching and research at a number of universities around the country. He approached his dean one day to inform him that he was most likely going to accept an offer he'd gotten from another school that would triple his current salary. The dean sat with the faculty member, congratulated him on his job offer, complimented his work, and began to ask the professor about his career and what he wanted from it. For almost an hour, the dean and the professor talked about the professor's aspirations and what he valued most in his career. At the end of the conversation, the dean asked the faculty member to give him a week to find out what the university might do to keep him. To the professor's surprise, the dean returned to him a week later with a counteroffer. The dean could afford to provide him with only a modest salary increase. However, the dean also offered the professor an opportunity to devote more time to his research, something the professor valued even more than a higher salary. The professor ended up rejecting the higher offer and staying at his current school. When telling his story, he spoke admiringly of the dean for his positive and productive approach. The dean had used genuine inquiry to understand the professor's needs, and had used advocacy to explain in candid terms how he could meet some of those needs and could not meet others. In order to find some alignment of interest, trustees must listen to uncover others' motives and find common ground. Equally important, but often overlooked, is the use of advocacy whereby the trustee clearly articulates his own interest so that the trustor understands them up front. When the trustee fails to express or assert her own interest, it can lead to a failure of compliance (she does what she wanted to do anyway, but does not say so). withdrawal (she gradually removes herself from the relationship), or resentment (anger at always doing only what the trustor wants).

• P77. Using the question listed here for each category as a general guide, the party or parties rate the ten factors of the DTM on a scale from 1 (low) to 5 (high).

  • Adjustment. The trustor generally tends not to worry or fret about possible betrayal.

    • Is the trustor generally optimistic?

    • Does the trustor rarely worry about what might go wrong?

    • Is the trustor generally easygoing and not stressed about things?

    • Does the trustor get over a minor loss or failure fairly well?

  • Risk tolerance. The trustor is generally comfortable taking risk and accepting uncertainty?

    • Is the trustor risk-seeking?

    • Is the trustor comfortable not being in control?

    • Does the trustor accept uncertainty as a normal part of life?

    • Is the trustor comfortable moving forward before all details and arrangements are clear?

  • Power. The trustor has some power or recourse to punish betrayal.

    • Is the trustor in a high-power position?

    • Does the trustor have options to punish betrayal?

    • Does the trustor have the support of people with some power over the other party?

    • Can the trustor control outcomes to a large extent in the relationship?

  • Situational security. The potential damage from betrayal among the parties is low or recoverable.

    • If the parties fail to deliver, will the damage be easy to recover from?

    • Are the parties involved experienced with these kinds of risks?

    • Are the risks generally manageable?

  • Similarities. The parties feel that there are similarities between them.

    • Do the parties have a common identity?

    • Do they have similar values?

    • Are the parties members of common groups?

    • Are they similar in personality, background, education, or interests?

  • Interests. The parties' interests are aligned.

    • Are the interests among the parties transparent and well communicated?

    • Are interests fully aligned rather than partially aligned or conflicting?

    • Is alignment good among a broader network of related stakeholders?

    • Are the parties concerned about the same issues?

  • Benevolent concern. The parties care about each other.

    • Do the parties listen with empathy?

    • Are they willing to support others' interests?

    • Do the parties care about each other?

    • Do they have a tendency to put others' interests ahead of their own interests?

  • Capability. The parties can reliably deliver on commitments and perform.

    • Are the parties competent?

    • Do their capabilities match the scope of their promises?

    • Will they ask for help if needed?

    • Do the parties have, or can they acquire, the required knowledge and skill in areas related to commitments?

    • Do they demonstrate good judgment?

  • Predictability and integrity. The parties' behavior is reasonably predictable.

    • Do the parties have a good track record?

    • Do they rarely overpromise and underdeliver?

    • Do their deeds match their words?

    • Do they tend to be consistent?

  • Communication. The relationship has open, timely, two-way communication.

    • Do the parties communicate frequently?

    • Are the parties open and accessible?

    • Do they share information in a timely manner?

    • Do they communicate the needed information even if it will affect them adversely?

    • Are the parties good at listening and taking others' perspectives?

• P87. A young executive named Pat was confronted early in her career with a supervisor who seemed to trust no one but himself. This supervisor was a source of frustration for Pat and all her peers. Some resented him and badmouthed him behind his back. Among all of them, only Pat resolved to do something about the situation. Her first step was to ask the supervisor, Bill, for some time on his calendar when she knew he would be less stressed. At their meeting, after a few moments of small talk, Pat opened up a line of inquiry in a nonthreatening way: "Earning your trust and confidence is important to me," she told him. "I'd like to hear from you what I can do to increase your confidence in me." Bill seemed a bit surprised and replied that he had total trust in her already. "Thanks," she said, and then she probed further. "I know you feel under a lot of pressure for us to perform well and not make mistakes. I sometimes think that I could do more and take some things off your plate, but you seem reluctant. How can I change the way I do things to make it easier for you to let me take on more and feel comfortable with doing that?" She and Bill came to an agreement: Pat would take on more responsibilities, but she would also make a concerted effort to keep Bill well informed enough that he was comfortable in giving up a measure of control. Pat used a strategy of gentle inquiry to probe the source of the anxieties that made Bill such a controlling boss. She also used a gentle advocacy approach to let Bill know that she felt underutilized and that she wanted to take on more responsibilities. At the same time, she reassured Bill that she was on his side and wanted to help him be successful. In taking on this difficult conversation, Pat confronted a risky situation and was able to change the level of trust in the relationship.

• P95. A leader's ability to enable people to share and manage risk has a direct impact on the level of trust within an organization. If the leader's behavior suggests that accountability for success or failure is at the team level rather than at the individual level, people are encouraged to support one another, and this increases everyone's tolerance for risk. In contrast, when a manager's behavior suggests that accountability is only at the individual level, people look out for themselves and tend to offer less support to others. Rather than sharing and managing risk together, people will adopt an "every man for himself" mindset and focus on protecting their interests even at the expense of the whole organization.

• P96. Jack Welch demonstrated an understanding that confidence is affected by the environment when he said, "Giving people self-confidence is by far the most important thing I can do. Because then they will act." Albert Bandura, a psychologist at Stanford, spent most of his career studying the factors that affect confidence, or what he called self-efficacy—the belief that one can act to achieve a goal. He identified four factors that build a positive sense that one can accomplish a task:

  • Past success at the task

  • Seeing others succeed at the task

  • Having a generally positive mindset

  • Receiving encouragement and validation from others

• P97. A good leader helps those around her achieve an appropriate level of self-confidence. The ideal is for self-confidence to equal capability.

• P98. Research in psychology shows that people in uncertain and stressful environments respond better to stress and recover from it better when they have more control. Leaders who empower people by giving them some control increase trust. Conversely, micromanagers who refuse to delegate and empower signal that they do not trust, and they create powerlessness, which makes others less trusting.

• P99. Leading in a world of complexity and change demands taking responsibility for strategic adaptation of the firm to ensure current and future success. This requires a paradoxical combination of execution skills fused with abstract, creative, and strategic thinking. Effective leaders shape the organization to match the speed and complexity of the environment that it must navigate. They act as sense makers to accelerate understanding and orchestrators to enable speed of adaptation within the organization. When performed well. This kind of leadership gives people confidence that they can prevail even in turbulent environments.

• P100. "We do not always like what he says, but we know he is giving it to us straight. We can work with that." High-trust leaders will candidly admit the risks and try to help followers understand them and learn what they can do to manage them. By acknowledging potential dangers openly and showing empathy, leaders deepen relationships and create a greater foundation for trust.

• P100. Creating a stronger sense of unity and identity in a company or workplace requires a leader who is willing to take on the role of chief social engineer. In part, the culture of an organization develops from the inferences people make about what is important, which are based on observations of the leader's reactions. When the leader emphasizes the values of subordination of individual interest to those of the group, supporting one another, fair process, transparency in communication and decision making, and timely and open communication, the organizational culture promotes trust. Leaders must be the primary engineers of a culture whose values promote alignment, pride in the team, transparency, and other elements of the DTM that are the bedrock of organizational trust.

• P101. One of the most important things a leader does is to get people to integrate their individual interests with the interests of the enterprise. How leaders define and communicate the collective interest, and reward those who promote them, will determine to a large extent whether trust and collective action are present.

• P102. High-trust leaders also create rigorous and fair processes to help people understand the mission, strategy, and tactical priorities of the enterprise. They also ensure that these priorities are communicated and translated throughout the organization. Most organizations do this in their strategic planning process, and in high-trust organizations, strategic planning is characterized by three important elements: first, all employees are involved at some level in the planning process; second, when the planning begins, people are willing to participate in a robust and candid negotiation of priorities, across functions and business units; and, third, during and after the process, everyone engages in a rigorous communication of priorities and goals across hierarchical, functional, and geographical boundaries.

• P104. When leader expend effort engaging in fair processes and go out of their way to exhibit true humility, empathy, and concern for the welfare of others, they engender a sense of trust and loyalty in their followers. In his book Good to Great, Jim Collins refers to "Level 5" leaders who are driven but humble in demeanor. Their primary motivation is not self-gratification but building an institution that is much bigger than themselves. This devotion to others, to the larger mission at one's own expense, breeds trust and, very often, the reciprocation of that devotion: loyalty.

• P106. Beyond the competencies related to the DTM, such as communication, alignment of interests, and the like, to project confidence in turbulent times, a leader must be able to:

  • Think strategically about the future and anticipate change

  • Break changes down into manageable initiatives that can be implemented over time

  • Stay focused and execute, but also demonstrate agility

  • Mobilize groups of people in a change process

  • Use organizational levers (structure, culture, systems, strategy) to manage the "organization," not just the "business"

  • Put the right people in the right jobs to manage change and execute

  • Develop and maintain good relationships

• P108. A talent for public speaking is a very valuable tool for any leader, but public speaking is not the same as communicating. Some of the most untrustworthy leaders have been great public speakers. The innovation of radio in the twentieth century was partly responsible for allowing great orators like Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini, and Mao Zedong to manipulate and exploit their followers. The following are six keys to leading with trust from a communication standpoint:

  • Share information

  • Tell the truth

  • Asmist mistakes

  • Give and receive constructive feedback

  • Maintain confidentiality

  • Speak with good purpose

• P110. Table 6.1 Leadership Trust Practices.

• P121. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Power Sharing:

  • Create an empowering culture

  • Promote managers who share power and retrain or demote micro-managers

  • Engage employees and prove that you will listen and act

  • Use process techniques to provide voice, such as upward feedback, open-door policies, and employee surveys

  • Use authoritarian decision making only when it enhances trust (for example, when it avoids unproductive conflict among people or creates necessary speed in decisions); use participative or collaborative decision making most other times.

• P122. Google's ten corporate values define the meaning of membership and promote trust:

  • Focus on the user, and all else will follow

  • It's best to do one thing really, really well

  • Fast is better than slow

  • Democracy on the web works

  • You don't need to be at your desk to need to an answer

  • You can make money without doing evil

  • There's always more information out there

  • The need for information crosses all borders

  • You can be serious without a suit

  • Great just isn't good enough

• P124. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Shared Values and Identity

  • Periodically conduct a values clarification exercise (for board and senior teams)

  • Become a value-driven organization

  • Take socialization very seriously and reinforce it with leadership behavior, rewards, and recognition systems

  • Foster pride in in-group identity

  • Avoid excessively loose cultures that lack meaning and identity

  • Adapt and adjust values carefully and deliberately to ensure relevance

• P128. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Aligning Interests:

  • Create an alignment map that illustrates links to company values

  • Expect leaders to translate strategy

  • Hold leaders and their people accountable for articulating alignment down the line

  • Make fair and transparent decisions and connect them to company values

  • Involve people and communicate the "whys" of strategy and decisions

  • Hold management accountable for being stewards of stakeholder interests

  • Define the values of the form that will guide decisions and trade-offs

• P130. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Benevolent (Quality of being kind and well-meaning) Concern:

  • Consider benevolence to stakeholders in strategy and mission deliberations

  • Practice serving others over self, especially if you are in a high-power position

  • Offer employees non-coerced options to team and do charitable work

  • Focus more on long-term stakeholder relationships

• P132. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Capability:

  • Become great at executing strategy

  • Develop a culture in which you deliver on promises

  • Continuously upgrade and improve capability

  • Build capability in advance of demands

  • Be brutally honest about weaknesses

  • Make it a religion to conduct after-action reviews at the conclusion of projects

• P135. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Predictability and Integrity:

  • Measure the degree to which your espoused culture is practiced

  • Practice value-based management

  • Make honoring one's word a central part of the culture

  • Create mechanisms to confront hypocrisy

• P137. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Communication:

  • Over-communicate

  • Hold leaders accountable for helping people understand the "why" behind company values and decisions

  • Use multiple media channels

  • Put senior management in the room with people

  • Encourage "ask anything" sessions

  • Do not shoot messengers

• P140. The terms " group and team are often used interchangeably, but working in a true team requires much greater focus on trust issues than working in a group. The word team imposes a high degree of interdependence among members. One definition of teams is that they are bound by a common measure of success and failure: they win or lose together. By this standard, many top executive teams are groups and not teams, because they tend to their respective areas of responsibility in a fairly independent manner. Real teams have more interdependence, integration, and common identity than do working groups. Members of working groups may aspire to work as a team, but doing so requires more attention to how the team functions as a whole rather than to work with its individual members. This requires more cohesion, cooperation, interdependence, and trust.

• P145. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Trustor Disposition:

  • Create a group dynamic that encourages social support

  • Reward team members who make others more effective due to increased comfort in the group

  • Populate the team with people whom you can trust (unless suspicion is essential to the team's task)

• P146. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Situational Security:

  • When an external threat is real, use it to build cohesion

  • Locate risk at the group level more than at the individual level

  • Manage the anxiety of group members and offer more social support when situational security is low

• P147. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Similarities:

  • Make it mean something to be on the team (identity, values, pride)

  • Develop a limited number of core values that are rewarded and that cannot be violated without some penalty

  • Manage in-group cohesion so that it does not prevent adapting to critical externalities that could threaten productivity or survival

• P150. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Aligned Interests:

  • Conduct periodic alignment exercises to create a connection between team goals, individual roles, and team behavior

  • Allow members to voice dissent (productively and not of unlimited duration) about group interests and decisions

  • Find productive ways to engage in dialogue about behaviors that are displayed, which violate group interests

• P151. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Benevolent Concern:

  • Emphasize the critically of respectful mutual adjustment to creating a high-trust team

  • Consider removing "non-team players" from the team, even if they are stars

  • Use flexibility and benevolence as selection criteria in addition to technical competence and experience

• P153. Effective teams develop competence in seven key areas of self-management to enhance trust: they must have the ability to:

  • Understand and adapt to external stakeholder challenges

  • Define and redefine roles and responsibilities

  • Engage in difficult conversations with each other and do so productively

  • Engage in efficient and effective decision-making that involves the right people at the right time

  • Devote real-time attention to group dynamics and to the synergy or lack of synergy among members and in the group as a whole

  • Import and export people, skills, and knowledge to ensure effective functioning over time

  • Conduct effective after-action reviews to assess how things went versus how they were intended to go

• P154. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Capability:

  • Be careful not to allow social cohesion to inhibit capability and the achievement of goals

  • Add capability to the team as task challenges evolve

  • Make "winning" and achievement part of the team's ethos

• P154. A task force group at a global automobile company was working on how to position one of their vehicle models in the market. The team involved representatives from manufacturing, sales, marketing, and service because all these functions affected consumer perception of the brand. With so many people involved, meetings were long and involved a host of issues and agreements. But after each meeting, the task force leader would put out a detailed memo summarizing conclusions, what had been decided, and who had agreed to do what by the next meeting. At the start of the next meeting, the leader reviewed this accountability list to ensure that everyone had lived up to his or her commitments since the last meeting. This was a high-trust team that, over time, knew that they could count on making progress—because people were doing what they said they would do.

• P155. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Predictability and Integrity:

  • Make honoring commitments to team members a cornerstone of team values

  • Practice the skill of gently and respectfully challenging colleagues when they say one thing and do another

  • Create group mechanisms to test whether team commitments can be met. If not, revise promises and communicate proactively

• P169 Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Similarities:

  • Create a "one firm" culture and be careful about unproductive subgroup cohesion

  • Find a common problem to work on together to develop bonds

  • Get everyone, everywhere, to adopt a "do the right thing for the client or customer" mindset as the decision rule

• P171. Ideas for Embedding Trust Through Alignment of Interest

  • Use the strategic planning process to promise compelling superordinate goals

  • Promote leaders who develop partnerships across groups

  • Create cross-organizational councils or interest groups to connect people

• P178. Given what we know about cultures and about trust, we must keep in mind five important considerations in adapting the DTM for effective use in multiple cultures:

  • The disposition to trust varies by culture and can affect how long it takes to build trust

  • Like risk-averse personalities, cultures that are high in uncertainty avoidance may take longer to build trust

  • Collectivist cultures emphasize similarities and in-group status more than individualistic cultures

  • High-context and low-context cultures will prefer different communication styles to most effectively build trust and to avoid eroding it

  • The manner in which benevolence, fairness, and integrity should be demonstrated may vary by culture

• P192. Seven Elements of Integrative Stewardship:

  • Service to stakeholders takes priority over self-interest and is central to being a good trustee

  • Organizational progress proceeds from a complex mix of competition (across networks) and cooperation (within networks)

  • To be sustainable and effective, cooperation requires trust

  • Winning trust from any person, group, or organization requires a focus on the continuous development of capabilities to serve stakeholders

  • The development of capability cannot be sustained over the long term by manipulation. It requires leadership that integrates stakeholders as interdependent partners

  • All trustees and stakeholders must engage in improving the system and accept responsibility for how the system functions. This includes holding trustees accountable for being trustworthy

  • We must all act as stewards of natural, human, and capital resources that were neither earned nor created by us. We have an obligation to accept accountability for being trustworthy agents and use these resources effectively for current and future generations of stakeholders

• P209. Systemic Trust Interventions